Fear. You never know when it will hit. There are many kinds. There is the frightening dog, the unsavory character on the street, even the unexpected furnace that needs replacing. But the worst kind of fear is when your child gets sick. The fear of the unknown, not knowing what to do, not knowing when it will end, not being able to take their pain away. Suddenly the ability to be a protective parent is taken away, no choices given.
When our children were born, we made the decision that I would stay home and take care of them. I remember when I was first pregnant with Sophi, my oldest. We had a kitten named, Annabelle, a black manx. She was probably the sweetest kitten we'd ever owned. I remember wondering if I would love my baby as much as this cat. What would happen if the baby was allergic to cats? Would I choose the cat or my baby?
Then, I gave birth. From the very second Sophi came through the birth canal, Annabelle became a cat, just that. I never let Sophi out of my or Hugh's sight. I realized all of my fantasies about putting my infant in daycare and returning to work were the result of ignorant bliss. The decision was made, I was not returning to work. When Millie was born, 15 months later, my decision was ironclad.
I have spent the last 15 years protecting my children. I taught them all the basics of keeping themselves safe. Look both ways, don't chase the ball into the street, always ask before you pet a dog. As they aged, we talked about personal safety. Never get in a car with someone you don't know, never put yourself in a position you can't get out of, always wear your seatbelt. I was always extra vigilent on vacations. Accidents happen when your guard is down and in unfamiliar territory. I remember counting my family at night. My own little ritual. One, two, three, four. That's how many I started with, that's how many I still have. Be careful. Don't take short cuts.
Sophi and Millie have always been healthy children. Until, first semester, eigth grade! I don't know what happened. I call it my own bermuda triangle.
